Big Changes

The 12th House is Darkest Before the Dawn

I’m very excited to share that I have resigned from my job and this is my last week. I have decided to devote myself 100% to my art which is much more in alignment with how I would like to mother our child. How can I encourage him to follow his dreams when I didn’t do so myself?

Over the last 10 years I have gone from bartending at the best sushi spot called Moshi Moshi in San Francisco to working for several amazing liquor companies, Spirit Works Distillery out of Sebastopol, Highland Park Scotch and for the last 5 years, at Beam Suntory where I worked with Maker’s Mark Bourbon for most of my time here. I was a whiskey advocate, they called us Maker’s Mark Diplomats, planning elaborate dinner and tasting experiences throughout Northern California and Las Vegas. When I was 6 months pregnant, I led a barrel selection at Caesar’s Palace with the head of Caesar’s Entertainment (like the entirety of the Caesar’s franchise) and he, in true Italian fashion, had the most amazing matching suit and man bag. I have so many stories.

Once I had Hawk, I moved to another brand in the company, Suntory ALL-FREE, the company’s only non-alcoholic beverage. That role took our family (Hawk included when he was only 8 months old) to Tokyo last spring, which was one of the most amazing places I have ever been and I would go back (or move there) at the drop of a hat. SO many stories. At the end of last year, Beam Suntory had a huge restructure and my role was dissolved. But instead of being let go, I was promoted and given a raise. My new role was the Commercial Marketing Manager for House of Suntory, which is a fancy way of saying I was in charge of making all of the stuff that everyone across the country uses for all touch points for all of the Japanese brands in our portfolio. It’s a huge job and that promotion was a huge honor. If the timing would have aligned differently, I would have LOVED to do it and put my mark on so many things.

Here’s me telling the Maker’s Mark story to a bar full of people at a tasting event at the legendary Atomic Liquors in Old Town Vegas.

But important decisions in life are only important if there is real stake in the game. Leaving this opportunity hurt. Saying goodbye (I’m sending all of my goodbye emails later today) to something I actually really want, at a company I really love, and a bunch of people I genuinely like, I’m not gonna lie, is heartbreaking.

In astrology, when you look at a chart, it’s a circle. That circle is split up into 12 segments. The first house, determined by your Ascendent, is literally the moment you were born, the moment you breathed your first breath of air. Since it’s a circle, the 12th house is just before it. That 12th house is the moments just before you came out of your momma’s belly, while you were either being squeezed or cut out, while you were still busy “breathing” fluid and probably being rocked by contractions. Metaphorically, it is the liminal space, the space between this world and whatever lies beyond it. It is the darkest coldest part of the day, the moments just before the sun rises.

That’s what it feels like right now. I’m in a liminal space of closing the doors to one incredible, affirming, and rewarding chapter of my life about to open the doors to fully invest in the thing that I was put on this earth to do. These last many years I have learned so much about myself. I learned to have confidence in commanding a room full of people of any size. I learned I have unique storytelling skills. I learned top-level marketing and business skills ( I went to art school, where they teach you zero of any of that stuff). I was rewarded by being given opportunities to imagine and do and grow.

They say that the soul, before they are born, is wise. The process of coming into the world, this side of the liminal space between, makes us all forget everything that we knew and it takes a lifetime to remember it all. Perhaps when we choose to leave one world and enter a whole new one in our waking reality, we are allowed, no required, to keep all of our lessons with us. It’s part of the quest. This career path was never a detour, but a time to build. Unlike The Fool in the Tarot, I do not step blindly out over the ledge to begin this new chapter in my life. I know that my foot will confidently fall onto the bridge before me. All it takes is a leap of faith.

I’ve got some exciting updates in the weeks to come.

Thank you everyone for being here and being along for the ride. Your support really matters to me and makes so many things possible.